Nights Like These

I dreamed of them tonight. My twins. This is nothing new, I dream of them often. Tonight, I opened my tear-filled eyes, and couldn't catch my breath. I just stared into the darkness, wondering how all this came to be. 3 weeks ago I was the mother of identical twins AND the mother of triplets. Not many get to say that, but for a short time, I could. How lucky am I?

Unfortunately, more often than not, the questions running through my mind, are more like, how did this become my reality? and is this really happening?. So much has gone wrong, yet I try to remain positive. Surely, things won't go down hill AGAIN, right? But, what makes me so special as to think just because I've been to Hell and back, and I've paid my dues, that it'll be smooth sailing from here on out?

Yesterday I read a blog about a woman who had lost 7, yes 7 babies, all at different stages of gestation. Everyone was sure that this pregnancy was "it". At her detail ultrasound at 19 and a half weeks, no heart beat was detected. She had to deliver her dead baby.

There are MANY infertility and loss stories of women who have had more than their fair share of heartache and pain, and yet only a few are lucky enough to deliver a healthy baby at the end of it all. Will I be one of them? I like to think so. But, I'm sure those women thought the same thing (of their pregnancies).