Tuesdays

Every Tuesday when I wake up, I thank the Universe we've made it another week. 26 weeks. Wow. And, this Monday will mark the beginning of the end - Trimester 3!

There were times - many times - when I wondered if we'd ever get here. Today I thought of how many women are still trying. Agonizing. Dying inside for the opportunuty to be a mom. I am eternally grateful to be given the chance to experience life growing inside me. This miracle will never be taking forgranted. Never.

To my sweet baby, I'm so so so excited you chose me to be your mom. I'm already head over heels in love, and I haven't even the opportunity to meet your beautiful self. Lately, your dad and I have been anxious to see your perfect little face, and learn all about your ways and your personality. We already know you're a fighter, but we often wonder if you'll be as fiesty and head-strong as you appear to us from the outside. We can't wait until September so we can cuddle you, adore you and shower you with all the love your heart can hold. Keep fighting, Sweet Girl! xo

The End of T2

It's hard to believe I'm in the final weeks of my second trimester. Today I offically graduated to bimonthly OBGYN appointments, and have instructions to go for my gestational diabetes screen (75g load). I can't wait to spend a perfectly good morning camped out in a blood lab. With needles. Multiple needles.

At my visit with Dr. H. today, he went over my usuals. All in all, he's happy, so I'm happy.

Uterus: 24cm (has grown 1cm since I saw him 8 days ago). Should grow about 1cm for each week a women's pregnant. I'm 25w3d.

Blood pressure: "Perfection"

Baby's Heart Beat: 148/minute (normal is between 130-160)

Weight gain since last month: Nada. I was concerned when the nurse told be this, but the doctor isn't worried as long as she's growing. This means I've put on approximately 10-12 lbs. And while we're on the subject of weight, I'm happily rocking a good chunk of my regular clothes. Yesterday I wore a pair of pants I've had for years, and had 7 people comment that from straight on and from behind, they couldn't tell I was pregnant. Also, when I had my measurements taken the other day, my bust had grown by almost 2 inches, and my hips by 1/2 an inch in comparison to my pre-pregnancy stats.

Baby's Movements: I've had some fairly powerful jabs lately, jabs that cause me to call out in surprise. While in a meeting on Wednesday, Little Miss was kicking (hiccuping?) in rapid succession. It could be compared to a child tugging on your sleeve over and over, calling "mom, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, ma, ma, mom." I loved it.

Cravings: Eggs and biscuits (yes, like Tim Horton's biscuits).

The Canadian Nursery: Cyballs brought the crib up from Seattle and he put it together this past weekend. He and my mom also applied one of the wall decals over her crib. We love how when we open the double doors to her room, the crib is centered on the wall with the beautiful quote hovering above.


DADDY PUTTING TOGETHER HIS BABY GIRL'S CRIB


GRANDMA AND DAD PUTTING THE DECAL ON THE WALL OF THE NURSERY


THE WALL QUOTE


THE UNFINISHED NURSERY


BABY GIRL'S CRIB

Pictures

BABY'S SHELF

BABY'S DRESSER/CHANGE TABLE

THE CANADIAN NURSERY. WE CHOSE "LIGHT LIME" FOR THE WALLS. WE'LL SOON BE ADDING HOT PINK ACCENTS, AND BLACK AND WHITE DAMASK BEDDING

PAPA PUTTING TOGETHER BABY GIRL F'S NURSERY FURNITURE

THE PUMP WE'VE CHOSEN

ERIN, OUR BABY GEAR EXPERT

CYBALLS TRYING ON THE BREAST FEEDING PILLOW

KADEN CAME ALONG

CY LOVES THE GUN

Viability

Today we achieved viability! This is the milestone we've been working towards, and although we have another 3 months to go, we're relieved to have made it here. This means that if anything were to happen to our daughter, she'll have a chance of surviving outside of me.

However, we've been hesitant over the past 4 days because on Saturday I began to cramp and later, spot. Other changes such as some tissue being passed, pressure in my lower abdomen and much less fetal movements, had us panicking. But, today Dr. Hunt found her heartbeat, and was happy to report my cervix is long and still very much holding strong. I've been instructed to "take it easy and get a lot of rest," and as long as the spotting has subsided, I can resume normal activities in a week's time.

On a separate, bitter-sweet note, had I still been pregnant with my triplets, this week or next would have seen me being admitted to B.C's Women's Hospital to have my babies. Crazy and heartbreaking how life unfolds, isn't it? Sigh.

Anyway, here are my 6 month stats:

How far along: 24 weeks

Weight gain: I'll find out the official number next Thursday.

Maternity clothes: Yes, but I can still rock some of my regulars.

Stretch marks: Nope. But speaking of stretching, my belly button looks nothing like the deep hole it once was. My naval piercing is no long in my belly button, but rather in the middle of my abdomen. I often have people commenting on my "outtie", and then often get a laugh when they see what's actually causing it.

Sleep: Fantastic

Movement: Oh, yes! I love it!

Cravings: Citrus fruits, especially oranges.

Driving me crazy: acne and spotting

Gender: As far as we know, she's still a girl

Names we have in mind: This is proving to be a challenging task. Ella, Kenley and Aubrey are still on the list, and we have began to toss around some names we visited in our first pregnancy: Ally (with Allyssa or Allyson as her full name) and Brooklyn. Her middle name will still be Ray.

What I miss: Enjoying a nice glass of wine and my somewhat flat tummy.

What I'm looking forward to: Next Thursday when I get to see her and hear her heartbeat again.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

What a weekend. Apparently there's a baby coming, and it belongs to me!

We overhauled the room in our Canadian home that will become Baby Girl Forell's nursery. The room was painted "Light Lime" and will have hot pink accents (butterfly decals, a line/verse from a song or poem, pillows etc.). Her book shelf, dresser/changing table was also set up. Within the next couple of weeks, her crib - which is at our American home - will make its way to Canada. While we worked on the nursery, we also redid our bedroom. It received a fresh coat of paint, new tile on the fireplace and our bedroom set received a new look. We are still awaiting a new wardrobe and a mantle before we'll call it complete.

Next up will be her American nursery, which will prove to be much more challenging.


To top it off, we also took my sister with us to Babies R Us to help us register. Thank goodness she was available, because we were overwhelmed and had little idea of what to include on our registry.

As far as Mother's Day was concerned, I had a number of friends and family acknowledged me (which made my day, of course!). Cyballs bought a card from him and all our babies, gave me a bouquet of flowers (mums) and arranged breakfast. Later, we had an extended family dinner in honour of the moms in my family.

As happy a day as it was - especially in comparison to the last couple of years - it also brought forth much pain. I think this day will forever remind me of my infertility, the babies I lost and a decision that will forever burn in my heart and soul.

The Kicker

I love this time of night. I finally am able to relax and pay attention to my body. It's during this time when Little Miss makes herself known. THIS is the best part, the part I anxiously wait for all day. Sure, I can feel her throughout the day, but she seems to know it's after I stretch out on the couch when I can really pay attention to her.

On another note, Sunday is Childless Awareness Day, or more commonly known as Mother's Day. This year I'm over the moon to be celebrating being a mom to a living soul, and not only my angels in Heaven. However, it's this day which will remind me of my losses and the first heart wrenching decision I had to make regarding my children. J, T and C, you are always my babies, and I anticipate the day when I get to shower you with kisses and cuddle you in my arms. To the precious life growing inside me, keep fighting, Sweet Girl. And, to all my babies, thank-you for letting me be your mom. I love you all, with all my heart. There's not a day that goes by that each of you, and what should have been, is not on my mind.

And since I'm sending out messages, Leslie, you made my day today when you wished me a Happy Mother's Day; I was beaming for the remainder of the afternoon.

For all of those still fighting to become mothers, and those who are mothers to angels, I'll be thinking of you this weekend.

Week 22

How far along: 22 weeks

Weight gain: 2kg.

Maternity clothes: Yes, but still managing some pre-pregnancy clothes as well.

Stretch marks: Nope

Sleep: Pretty darn good!

Movement: Oh yes! Yesterday it felt as though she was somersaulting from one side of me to the other. I've had a few kicks to my bladder in the past few days, which is the strangest feeling. I've started to notice some patterns: she starts kicking about 20 minutes after lunch and around 9 or 10 at night.

Cravings: I ate 3/4 of a pineapple in one sitting.

Driving me crazy: ACNE! Ugh!

Gender: It's a girl, and we're shocked! Daddy has already determined Crunchy is no longer an appropriate name, and has been calling her Princess. As our friend Staci put it, "he's a goner". I, on the other hand, have already spent a small fortune on her wardrobe.

Names we have in mind: Her middle name with definitely be Ray, after my paternal grandma who passed away nearly 2 years ago. Ella and Kenley (Kinley?) are still at the top of the list.

What I miss: Shopping in 'regular' clothing stores.

What I'm looking forward to: Reaching week 24 - viability! And, on a superficial note, I'm super excited to use my new Coach baby bag. You just can't beat paying $140 for a $420 bag!

Don't Lose the Lesson

We may not understand why we've been dealt the cards we have, but I believe we can learn something from our experiences. To date, I haven't quite figured it out. It's an on-going process, and it may be years down the road before we can take something from all we've been through.

In the mean time, our infertility, ectopic pregnancy, triplets, and loss of our monochorionic-monoamniotic twins, provides us with experiences most, not even the doctors, will EVER come close to comprehending.

I wish there had been someone there for us as we navigated through. Someone who truly understood the pain, the heartache, the devastation. I recently came across a website which connects trained volunteers with people who are experiencing similar medical tragedies. Sidelines has been a blessing for many, and I'm happy to become a part of its mission.

Our experiences have helped me realized how lucky I am. Being a Canadian citizen has provided me with resources and services many others around the world are desperately lacking.

All of my infertility tests and treatments, minus the cost of the medication was covered by our health care system. Not only that, but being Canadian allows me access to the top-notch services; think of how many women are not so lucky! I live in a country who has given me access to trained doctors and medical staff, who saved my life and my tube during my ectopic pregnancy. Would this have been the case in rural Nicaragua, or similar regions?

And most recently, I was given the opportunity to have children. Early detection told me I was having triplets. Vigilant doctors gave me the devastating news of our twins. Skilled and compassionate hospital staff gave me and my singleton a chance at life. Had I been born somewhere else, I very likely would have lost my ALL my children and my own life. And all of this didn't cost us a dime (well, as long as you don't count the thank-you cards given to those professionals who helped me through).

For this, I am grateful. For this, I resolve to do what I can to help other women who aren't so lucky.

Cyballs and I have recently started providing recurring donations to Clinica Verde, a facility being built in Nicaragua to assist women with high-risk pregnancies.

I cannot fathom what women with high-risk complications, in less prosperous regions, must go through. I take comfort in knowing that my small contribution may help to save a life.